Can’t Seep, Clowns Will Eat Me.
Today I discovered that you can get a Bedwetting alarm that takes the form of a mat that goes under a child’s sheet. When the kid wets the bed it sets off an alarm that wakes the kid up and presumably, they will cease their weeing.
I got to thinking that if I had designed that, the alarm part of the device would be shaped in the form of a giant clown head who’s nose and eyes would light up and flash red at the same time as the clown screamed and howled at the child. I’d probably build an electric shock mechanism into it as well just to be sure the kid woke up as soon as it started wetting the bed.
The more advanced models could incorporate some learning systems that picked up on the child’s weeing patterns. Just before a predicted incident it could whisper “IF YOU DO, I AM GOING TO EAT YOU!” in a menacing voice whilst glowing, just a little…
To make this system more effective it needs to be hidden from view when the child is awake. I suspect a holographic device would be the best means of doing this and would come with the added plus that if the kid somehow got enough spine to throw something at the disembodied howling head; it would pass straight through it, adding to the mystery.
(C) Lawrie Inc. “Terrorising Small Children for over 30 years”.
Oh, come on, Michael! You ARE not that cruel. You actually love children and want to be nice to them… Just admit! So repeat: I DO LOVE CHILDREN AND I WILL NEVER EVER DO THEM ANY HARM!!!
I just peed.
[…] For a giggle read this post by Michael “Cant Sleep Clowns Will Eat Me.” […]
i am writing to tell you how dissapointed i am in you for posting such filth. but i am sad to admit that it is also turning me on.
with all my love,
Mrs M.
ps. call me, or should i say email. . .
What circus can I find that clown in?